Three Hundred Fifty Five: Thanks

“In a stuck moment, it’s hard to see positive forces when obstacles are blaring and fears are looming. This is a good time to be grateful. Not grateful for what has us stuck, but appreciating what doesn’t. Gratitude helps us see our situation is a way that can lessen panic, and could open up our thinking to new solutions.”  – “Unstuck” author

Monday, December 22nd

Today the world starts to get a little brighter, one moment at a time. Solstice one eve behind me, I have been reflecting on change and renewal and it is all met a certain degree of fear and trepidation. Will I ever have what it takes to manifest the life that I’ve always wanted?

It’s a trick question, really. I have the life I’ve always wanted because I’m unbearably stuck on figuring it all out. I overanalyze. I dig. I’m terribly shy but I like to ask other people questions about what makes them tick. I make terrible mistakes and know that I’m feeling my way through this messy experience…and might just grow a bit more along the way.

Today, I was tired. Body, mind, and soul tired. My husband took the kids out for a hike for the afternoon. When they returned, the noise was so nerve-wracking that I ended up yelling at the kids, and making everyone feel miserable. I wasn’t exactly the “Mother of the Year” today. I like to feel sorry for myself in times like this. Isn’t it a pity that I don’t have a babysitter? Why must my husband question me about why I’m talking to the kids like this? Why must I have insomnia? Wouldn’t it be nice if they all could let me sleep again and wake up refreshed with it all figured out? 

I am the number one Devil’s Advocate and once in a blue moon, I turn that on myself for the powers of good to ask better questions. Isn’t it wonderful that we’ve chosen to limit our time out to when we can have family and close friends watch the kids so that they have trusted adults around that we trust implicitly to care for them when we can’t? Aren’t I blessed to have a partner who calls me on my bullshit behaviors that need to be addressed – now, not tomorrow? Don’t I appreciate all the stuff I can get done or silent reflection I can enjoy when I am not sleeping? Why would I doubt my husband and children who don’t just let me sleep the day away because they love me and want to be around me and that my boy calling me “bad mommy” is not a personal attack but the only way that my little 4-year-old son knows how to communicate his frustrations for not being able to play with playdough instead of eat his lunch?

I am thankful for my life. I am thankful for the people I’ve brought into it, whom I’ve kept around, and especially those I’ve created. Sometimes I just need to take those critical deep breaths, sit with my knee-jerk emotions for one extra moment, and find that gratitude when it is most needed so I can respond with something other than anger and frustration.

When could you use a gratitude adjustment the most during your day?

More…

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