“Love those who hurt you the most, because they are probably the ones closest to you.
They, too, are on a path, and just like you they are learning to walk before they can fly. Imagine of everybody you hurt in life turned their backs on you? You would be playing a hell of a lot of solitaire.
Love them no matter what.” – Nikki Sixx
Friday, December 19th
I know deep down when my feelings get hurt that I need to face that situation with love, compassion, and more understanding that I feel like sharing. It is the only way to grow and learn, in the end. But my ego sure doesn’t feel like being this gracious. I want to shut down, keep quiet, and close myself off to other people. Because it feels like I’m stronger if I’m more protected.
A week or so ago, I ended up in the middle of a social debacle when I tried to stand up for someone who was being left out. She was in a thread of conversation but was not invited to an event. It turned into a big ol’ ball of awkwardness…I’m talking about a much bigger mess than it ought to have been. I tried to make peace between parties and move on with things, but my feelings were still stuck on this as I found out today when it got brought up again. So I went to the source of this ball to confront the person I felt that I had unresolved awkwardness with. Be clear. Be concise. Express your emotions. I had already stated out loud to the universe that these social breakdowns are much more telling than the parties and the rowdy little good times. How can you navigate the faltering communication?
For the most part, this cleared the air. But I have found that the devil really is in the details: little phrases like “I shouldn’t have to explain myself.” Nope. No one is contractually bound to explaining themselves. The hope is that one’s friends are compelled to explain themselves. Because that’s what we do. Hash it out. We don’t just declare our good intentions, we look at how we may have contributed to the breakdown in the first place.
In the end, I want to leave the hurt behind. I move forward, if for no other reason, for my own selfish need to be clear of this. I want to write several sentences here that start with “But”, but I feel that friendship ultimately can’t have buts in it. I take people’s flaws as I take their strengths. We are all works in progress and experience guides me in how I choose to interact and not interact with people in the future.
What do you do when those you love hurt you?