Three Hundred Nine: Assured

“Every time you go out there to do something, you wonder if you can do it. There’s no assured success. There’s no secret recipe for success. Every time you go out there, you go out there with the possibility of great failure.”  – Mel Gibson

Thursday, November 6th

Lately, I’ve been walking around a little taller. I’d been in a cloud and a haze and a funk, and couldn’t really out my finger on what the emotional root of it was…so it was nice to feel that passing and making way for more joy. It may be as simple as a forecast of more sunshine, and I’m okay with that.

I love dwelling on the satisfaction that comes from aging and gaining life experience. I have felt like I have struggled against this process of aging for so long – always feeling a good decade or so immature compared to my chronological age. I’ve reached a point of knowing that I can rely on more good days and bad days ahead, and to feel strong in this moment is something to rejoice in. When it feels like a bad day because of my attitude, I have a good sense that it is my perspective and not the world that is conspiring against me. It’s subtle but it feels like a powerful insight.

I am still in the thick of teaching two young people how to do one and a million things in their day. How to adequately brush their teeth. How to sound out a difficult word. How to count to ten in Spanish. Yeah, those are the easy ones. There’s also learning that the world isn’t necessarily fair. That your pets eventually die. That even though you are beautiful and strong and good at something that there will always be someone that’s even more of all of that than you.

It has taken a lot of little painful moments and a good deal of big ones too to feel assured, and one day my children will feel that sense of security too. Life goes on.

Do you feel a sense of assurance at this stage of your life?



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